UKNM: War Memorials (Was 'Ideaz')

[tim.hayward]

No, hang about... I'm right up for it.



Let's start a whip round now for all those poor bastards who are going to

end up

cannon fodder in the .Com Wars in the next year.


I reckon a 20ft high sculpture rising from the ruins of 'The Foundry'. Laser

cut

from pure silicon and looking something like that monumental bugger in

Russia -

The Factory Worker and the Collective Farm Girl. The plinth will be made

entirely of leased blueberry Imacs compressed into an enormous slab under

staggering heat and pressure. The male figure will be resplendent in an

ironic

Mullet, a grey outfit looking not unlike the paper jammies they give you

during

ECT and a kind of highly complex trainer/sandal combination that defies

definition anywhere outside of a Tokyo teenager's bedroom. He'll, of course,

be

standing next to a vintage BMX bike which, were he ever to actually ride it,

would make him look like one of Billy Smart's chimps.


His companion will have a Hoxton helmet, a sort of tabard like frock made of

two

pieces of thick felt cut to shape with round ended scissors and Copydexed

around

the edges (Joseph Beuys meets Blue Peter - Remember when Valerie used to say

'It

will cost a fraction of what it would in the shops and it's every bit as

good' -

It was a lie then and it's a lie now) some species of knitted, striped

tights

that are faintly redolent of leg irons and footwear of such abiding ugliness

that a mere glimpse can throw you right off your Miso Blackened Cod Fillet.


Both will gaze idealistically toward the City with a look that speaks an

enlightened combination of greed, ignorance, arrogance and naiivety.


She'll hold the symbolic keys of their leased office, leased loft, leased

Audi

TT whilst he carries aloft an everlasting flame in the form of a burning

sheaf

of stock options



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