UKNM: Reverse Revolution

[s krumholz]

this should help me in my efforts to get a work permit. ;)


sally


~~~~~~~~~~~~

NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE


To the citizens of the United States of America,


In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus

to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your

independence, effective today.


Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties

over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah,

which she does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony

Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there

is a

world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America

without the need for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be

disbanded.


A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of

you noticed.


To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following

rules are introduced with immediate effect


1.

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.

Then look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be

amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally,

you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up

"vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler

noises

such

as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of

communication.

Look up "interspersed".


2.

There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know

on your behalf.


3.

You should learn to distinguish the British and Australian accents.

It really isn't that hard.


4.

Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast British actors as

the good guys.


5.

You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The

Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want

you to get confused and give up half way through.


6.

You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one

kind of football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very

good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside

your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.

You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper

football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It

is a difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed

to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not

involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body

armour

like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens

side by 2005.


7.

You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons

if they give you any "merde."  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that

there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.

The Russians have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for

 "sh*t".


8.

July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new

national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive

Day".


9.

All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for

your own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what

 we mean.


10.

Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.


Thank you for your cooperation.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

sally krumholz

senior producer

mezzina brown & partners -

m|b interactive group


v: 212.251.7746

f: 212.532.3616

w: http://www.mezzinabrown.com



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